Eight Days . . .

Day eight. I don't have a picture b/c my computer doesn't have a card reader and Matt is gone and so is his computer. So I started the below post yesterday because we had a good internet connection, and you can't waste those moments. Little did I know how true her onesie message would be today. "I'm helping my mommy practice FOCUS values." The FOCUS values (if you don't already have them memorized to an army boot camp kind of tune) are: loyalty, integrity, worship, flexibility, trust in God, initiative, servant's heart, team player. I love FOCUS International (and really it's the people that are a part of FOCUS that I love). The values are still posted on my fridge, even though I haven't been on a FOCUS trip in many many years. I love this onesie that the FOCUS folks sent to us this summer.

Today I had a moment where Maya helped me practice a FOCUS value. I won't go into detail, but basically, last night while Matt was feeding her and I was out of the house, he had flicked her cheek when she spit her food at him. I was taken by surprise. I wasn't ready for this stage. For discipline. So then in a conversation today with a friend who has a one year old, she made the point that it's a whole lot easier to mold behavior than to have to un-do something that they've learned to do. So then I'm home alone, feeding Maya and she spits her food. Without really stopping to think, I flicked her cheek and said no in a firm tone. I'm still not convinced it's not too early and that we aren't rushing it a bit, but that is for another post. Right after that she looked at me and her face just fell and she started crying big tears! So I picked her up and held her close and told her I love her--and then the waterworks really started--but it was me! I wasn't prepared at all for how it would feel to hurt her feelings. I also felt insecure about the whole thing possibly being too early and rushing things and I hadn't thought through everything yet. But that's usually how life happens. FAST. Before I've had a chance to think through everything. After I got her calmed down and stopped my own sobbing, I started to think about 2 things: I need to trust in God so much more, in order to know how in the world to properly train up this child (trust in God--a FOCUS value!). The other (and maybe bigger thing) is how much it grieves God when He has to discipline us, but how loving and kind He is to do it. And how when He disciplines us, He is not mad or angry at us afterward, and He doesn't love us any less. Just like I held and kissed and rocked and calmed Maya after my discipline made her cry. Wow, I love this kid so so very much and how much more does a perfect God love me?

Who has time to pack with all of this going on? . . .