Mommy S.O.S.

Hello.  Anybody out there?  If you are, I'm sending out a Mommy S.O.S.  The source of this S.O.S. is dinnertime.  I hate dinnertime.  I need help.  The few hours before bedtime at our house are just kind of out of control.  Zain is a milk addict and he feels the need to let us know for about the hour leading up to his bed time that he would like to be fed and put to bed.  And that is the least of my worries.  The problem is that this fun hour usually coincides with when we are trying to eat, if we have actually attempted to do the whole "eat dinner as a family around the table" gig (which I confess, we usually don't even bother b/c it is so stressful).  There are a number of contributing factors to my current hatred of dinnertime.  I am not usually organized enough to get a dinner made and on the table at a reasonable time in order to be eating dinner before the bedtime meltdown begins.  So we're usually eating around 7.  Which is insane b/c 8 is bedtime for these miniature people.  What I had been doing for like the last year or more is just feeding Maya dinner (usually whatever I could find in the fridge), while fixing dinner for matt and I to eat after she is asleep.  Then we would put her to bed (no bath-we do that in the morning but that's a whole other post!!), feed Zain, put Zain to bed, then sit down (at the coffee table, usually with the TV on) and eat.  Around 8:30 p.m.  This is a TERRIBLE habit and I hate it.  It is bad for our bodies (you're not supposed to eat anything after 8pm, if you want to lose weight, right?).  It is bad for our sleep.  It is bad for our social skills.  And I just don't like the idea that our family is not eating this dinner meal together.  We need to be building this habit now.  It will only get harder.  Plus, when we eat at 8:30 or even 9:00, by the time I get it all cleaned up, it's my bedtime and I have managed ZERO downtime for ME, which I really need to have each night after all of my child/husband/household duties are done.  But moms, how on earth do you manage dinner together as a family?  We just seem to be bumbling through this.  What does your daily evening routine look like?  How can we pull this off with fewer tears (they are usually mine and Zain's)?  Also, my child drives me crazy at meals, so that's why I usually avoid actually trying to eat with her.  At lunchtime, I let her eat, put her down for a nap, then eat.  Or at dinner, it's the routine I described above.  Why?  She is a total mess.  I know these other kids who are like precise and tidy and don't like to spill and they put all their food in their mouth, and whenever those kids eat with my kid, they get in trouble for copying her b/c she is a total mess!  She dissects EVERYTHING before she eats it.  And she uses her silverware, but usually after she has piled food onto it with her fingers.  And she ends up with food in her hair and in every crevace of her clothes.  And for sure all over her face and hands.  And all over her tray.  And her booster seat.  And the floor.  And and and.  I think it's because she likes to study the texture of things and is very tactile.  But how do I actually not go crazy at the table with her?  How can I eat a meal while my children are awake and not hate every minute of it and (dare I expect so much) even enjoy the food that I have slaved over and enjoy the time with them?  I need some help.  Do I need to lower the expectations that I have of her (she is 2 years, 4 months)?  I know it's possible for kids to sit and eat and use their silverware and put all of the food in their mouths in a reasonably clean manner because my friends' kids can do it.  I just don't know it that is asking too much of my kid.  I want her to be her own person, but that means she is going to have her own strengths and weaknesses and quiks.  And how do you incorporate (deal with) a six month old during dinner when the big kid is using the booster seat/high chair so you have nowhere to put the baby other then to hold him (or let him lay on his playmat and cry)?  Do share.  And comfort.  And feel sorry for.  But mostly just tell me what works around your house. . .