Kony 2012

You've probably already seen images on facebook or Pinterest that say Kony 2012.  When I saw one the other day I googled Kony and discovered that we should all know who he is.  Check out this video, it is worth your time.  This is exciting--people taking back media/social media and using it for good-using it to combat a great evil in the world.  Ultimately, I think Jesus is how we combat evil, but I think we use that as an excuse to not do anything sometimes.  This dude says it better than I can, just watch the video.

Zain: Five Months

Zain is changing so fast and I've hardly written about him.  He is rolling over, both back to belly and belly to back.  He is blowing raspberries.  He is laughing and smiling like crazy.  Just about two days ago, he discovered his hands and you will often find him holding them up and staring at them now.  He sleeps through the night only occasionally. 

He is so precious!  This is one happy little guy.  Any time I look at him, he flashes me the biggest most dimply grin that completely melts my heart.  Maya adores him and he adores her.  She has taken to rubbing her face on his and laying on him in order to get her face right up next to his.  He has learned a trick (maybe out of self defense)--hair pulling!  He grabs a big handfull of her (or my) hair and does not let go!  He likes to be on his tummy and does this kind of inch worm thing where he lays his face down and sticks his butt up, then he lifts his head up and then goes back to head down, butt up.  I think it will turn into crawling before we know it.  He is so different from Maya, so much more physical at this age than she was.  He is a charmer and loves to look around the room and grin at anyone who he can get to look back at him.  He is patient and if he can just get his thumb into his mouth, he can soothe himself, even when he's really hungry.  I love this little guy so much!  Happy 5 month birthday Zain-er!

What We Want Part II: Fasting, a Broken Foot and a Tantrum

So here's part II.  Lots of comments on that last post, here and via email and fb--I was glad to hear that I am not alone in this struggle--misery (or apathy?) loves company, right?

I had just found a band called Gungor (and then my SIL wrote and said she'd just seen them live and it was a profound worship experience and that we had to get this new album of theirs) so I've been listening to their album called Ghosts Upon the Earth (Just FYI to my Kansas friends, they will be playing Wed, MARCH 21, at the Orpheum Theatre--Don't miss this!!).  Listening to their rock-mini-opera through the Bible, for the first time in ages, I wanted to read my Bible.  Specifically one of my all-time favorites: Hosea.  I've always been inexplicably drawn to this story.  As I read tonight, these words stood out to me:

She said, 'I will go after my lovers, who give me my food and my water, my wool and my linen, my oil and my drink.'  Therefore I will block her path with thronbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.  She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them.  Then she will say, 'I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.' Hosea 2.5-7

Matt and I decided that we wanted to fast from TV for lent again this year.  I had a creeping feeling (dread) leading up to lent that we needed to do this.  That once again, this had become an idol in my life.  Not that I love and worship and adore TV, but that I go to TV to distract and soothe and accompany me when I am exhausted and don't want to have to think or talk or interact anymore.  Parenting a 2 year old and a 5 month old has been taking all that I have within me.  Not so much the 5 month old (honestly, I forget about him sometimes).  But his needs, on top of a very chatty 2 year old who wants to take part in everything I do, has resulted in one of the hardest seasons of my life.  Maybe even harder than the year we lived in Syria--and that's saying a lot.  I found myself at the end of my rope.  Then my precious and wonderful sister came to visit and for two sweet weeks, answered the "What is this?" question a million times a day so that I didn't have to.  It was awesome.  Then she went home. 

Then we decided we should fast.  Then my husband broke his foot.  Then required surgery.  Now he can't put any weight on it for 6 to 8 weeks.  At all.  Then at least another month in a walking cast.  When the weight of it all hit me, it was over the dishes.  I realized he won't be helping me with the dishes for at least the next two months. And I can't watch TV.  What the freak.  So then I am tempted to call the whole thing off.  I've needed more drugs than my post operative husband.  If I can't have my TV escape, then darn it all, I'll find something else. . .

Isn't that just like me?  (Like all of us, I hope.)  You think you're gonna take away my favorite toy, God?  Well I'll show you.  I'll find a better one.  I am a bigger baby than my toddler.  I throw fits too.  I've been asking God over and over for only God knows how long to make me want Him again.  To draw me close to Him.  To help me to restore the discipline of Bible reading and prayer in my life.  So He urges and convicts me to lay something aside that is often a distraction and a time suck, so that I might be able to have more free time and free mental space to seek Him.  And then He goes and breaks Matt's foot and doubles my work load and my burden.  He makes me so desperate and needy that I don't know where to turn.  And then I spend the following week ignoring Him.  Being mad at Him for making my life harder.  I think He has blocked my way with thornbushes to encourage me to go back to my first love.  But I think Johnny Cash said it best, (paraphrase) it's hard to kick against the pricks.

I've been reading bits and pieces from John Piper's book "When I Don't Desire God."  I think it will be good.  The subtitle is "How to Fight for Joy".  I'll let you know if it helps fix my broken wanter.  I've come to the end of all I have for now.  So I guess this is another to be continued. . .